22. Boston.

Just a boy, standing in front of the internet, asking it to reblog him.

I like comedy, baseball, pizza and you.

 

I had a big day today and now I’m all tuckered out.

I had a big day today and now I’m all tuckered out.

Today I bought red pants and I fixed a window with my dad.

I’m living out of my element today! No rules! Everything is different!

Where the hell do you get off?

Either a person about to start a fight, OR a person on a train asking when someone is going to exit (but probably in an unnecessarily aggressive manner), OR a very confused romantic partner.

You know on first glance the expression “kill them with kindness” is pretty cool, it’s in favor of being nice!

But you realize you’re still killing them right? You have somehow found the only person on earth who gets weakened by nice words and actions. And you’re using it to commit murder.

"Here’s my seat on the train sir."
“Oh no please don’t do that, it actually can kill me.”
“Take the seat, I’m being kind.”
“No, please!”

Congratulations you dolt. You’re a bad bad person *and* you lost your seat on the train, because the only way you can make that terrible situation any worse is by sitting back down.

Missouri Pt 1: Friday

I went to Missouri this weekend with my dad to see the Cardinals and Royals (and thus Red Sox), and some other things. It was the best. Let me tell you about it.

  • I ordered a breakfast pretzel at the airport Auntie Anne’s because I am Augustus Gloop. I paid, then forgot to take my pretzel and the cashier forgot to give it to me. I was standing there very confused for a while. Something seemed amiss.
  • We went to the Arch. You know, the big one. Not for the claustrophobic. The lady we shared a ride with equated natural beauty to “the Lord’s engineering.” I thought he was a carpenter (yeah I know that’s his son).
  • The guy sitting next to me at the Cardinals game was into it until the bottom of the 8th, when he suddenly decided to hate baseball. He groaned at every pitch that wasn’t put into play, and then left during a pitching change. I think he was grumpy that we didn’t sing Sweet Caroline.
  • We saw a cover band called Bitter Pill that was very popular apparently, mostly because those waiting outside the stadium were forced to endure them, and then another cover band called Jesse Pinkman and the Stevias (I made that up), that had a crowd of a dozen, one of whom wanted to start fights. We determined that they are a cover band for the other cover band.

Oh THAT’S what animal husbandry is? Yeah I’m no longer interested

The grossest dude ever, I guess.

I don’t take orders!

A very defiant person and/or a very bad waiter.

One time in my brief career as a camp counselor I complimented a kid’s hat, and subsequently had to compliment every other kid’s hat, with matching enthusiasm.

That’s the closest I’ve come to being a parent. Respect.

People always complain about crying babies on airplanes, but I’m currently sitting in front of a gaggle of old white people who can’t stop making dad jokes and it’s way worse.

At least I can block out the baby.